It’s not that the country should put aside its differences and come together: a horrible, stifling thought. It often seems, in the heat of Brexit rage, that ardent leavers and remainers have forgotten how normal it is for nations to be divided. “United” nations made up of people who agree about everything are fictions invented by authoritarian regimes. The point of democracies is not to … Continue reading “…manage the unhappiness of whoever feels they’ve lost out without resorting to civil war”

5 Feb 2019 – 8:34 pm Photo on the left, my parents shortly after they married at the end of 1956, about 6 weeks before I was born. The photo on the right, my godfather with my parents at my baptism in March 1957, about 6 weeks after I was born. About the time I would have been being born in order to actually be … Continue reading “…try to imagine what it was like for my parents, and what they did and what they could have done differently.”

Where should I go?” Alice. That depends on where you want to end up.  The Cheshire Cat A cluster of five photographs is the first thing I see on moving from my bedroom to the main room of my flat: my grandmother and me with our pets are paired in a single frame with a 40 years earlier photo of Gram and her grandmother with … Continue reading Through the Looking Glass

Do I have a secret? [Noun] No. Did my parents keep secret the circumstances of my conception? Yes. Were they aware that mom came to their relationship with a pregnancy? No. Did my mother deceive my father about her pregnancy. No. Did my parents create our family through deception? No. Did my parents create a deceptive “origin of our family” narrative? Yes. Have I been … Continue reading I’ve Got a [Paternity] Secret

  A thing may happen and be a total lie; another thing may not happen and be truer than the truth. ― Tim O’Brien, The Things They Carried   For 17 years, 26 August marked my Pops’ memorial celebration. This year is a dramatically different celebration for me as I’ve discovered one family secret I didn’t know: This year I celebrate David Allen Alexander as … Continue reading The People We Carry